The Steps: A Work in Progress

Some steps can be beautiful...

One of my goals in writing this blog is to formulate a series of steps that anyone could follow who is looking to move from merely surviving their life to flourishing in their life particularly if they have experienced trauma or abuse.  After completing three years of intense psychotherapy followed up by life coaching, I thought that I was “finished”, and I approached life as if I were fixed.  That notion was incorrect.  What I have come to realize is that thriving is much like a process.  For survivors of trauma and abuse, particularly if it was prolonged, there needs to be a framework in place that hems us in, so to speak, so that we can continue to make forward progress as we live our lives because there will be hurdles along the way.  We can do all the prescribed work, read all the right books, go to all the small groups, and forgive all the necessary people, but if we do not have steps in place after that work is done which keep us grounded in the truths that our hard work has established, then we are likely to have great difficulties when challenging situations arise that trigger old issues, memories, and thought patterns.

I have drawn comparisons to AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) because their 12 Steps are so effective, and this particular program illustrates the point that the program only works when you “work the program”.  An alcoholic doesn’t go through the 12 Steps one time.  An alcoholic is always working the 12 Steps.  That is the framework that hems him/her in as they progress in life.  When a triggering situation arises for an alcoholic, s/he knows exactly what to do–refer to the 12 Steps.  There may also be a call to a sponsor.  There are meetings to attend.  Once again, s/he continues to work the program because the program works for him/her.

In this same way, I want a reference point.  When I am hit with a painful situation that reminds me of a past event which may or may not have been dealt with, what can I do? In my experience, even if a past event has been dealt with in the presence of a therapist, there is residual pain.  Sometimes present circumstances trigger a memory that taps into that pain, and we might feel similar feelings that we felt then.  What can we do? I want steps that I can take to ground myself in the present, and steps that I can take to re-empower myself.  For survivors of abuse and trauma, moving from helplessness to empowerment is very important.

So, what are the steps? I have two so far.

1. Tell the truth.–”I admit that I am powerless over my pain and coping strategies, and my life (or a certain part of my life) has become unmanageable.” (see Tell the Truth)
2. Begin to believe that God is personal.–”“Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self.”–Brennan Manning (see Step Two–Leaving the Vacuum)

That’s all I have so far, but it’s not a bad beginning.  If you have any ideas I welcome your suggestions.  I think it would be a far more meaningful process if there were other voices crafting these steps.