I welcome your comments, suggestions, and your stories.  I moderate all comments so nothing will be approved for public viewing if you prefer to remain anonymous, or if you prefer only to communicate with me.  That being said, “a lone primate is a dead primate”.  We will go much further if we go together.  So, if you can contribute something edifying, enlightening, encouraging, or if you are in need yourself, then please do gather at the forum.  I want to hear from you, and I’ll bet that others do, too.

6 thoughts on “Contributions

  1. I am so appreciating reading your work. I have recently discovered that there is a name for my mom’s “crazy”- BPD. Of course, she is undiagnosed and will probably remain that way unless by some miracle. My dad died of brain cancer almost 2 years ago, and during that time, she lost her mind almost completely. It was horribly painful. Ive never experienced a despair like that. I was pregnant with my firstborn daughter, my father dying of a terminal disease, and my mom taking all the attention for herself. Although there were few seasons where I would say she was normal, it was rare and the inconsistency left us kids on some very shaky ground. The odd thing is, I was in such a web of manipulation, I didn’t even see it for what it was. IT has been HELL to face this- not to mention, certain family member take her side or minimize because they see the nice version of her.

    I began having panic attacks when my daughter was 8 months old. Although I had experienced anxiety throughout my childhood, I had never had a nervous breakdown before. Obviously, had some post partum, undealt with grief and things I was not yet willing to face with my relationship with my mom. I have been working with a wonderful Christian counselor and a naturopath for a year now to get my body, mind and spirit back in shape as I worked through some dark, painful issues. I have seen much improvement, but I can see that there is still much work to do. It wasn’t until about 3 months ago that my husband and I decided we had done all we could to try and reconcile with my mom, but she clearly did not see the damage she had done. She did not respond to any of my boundary setting well and continues to infringe on that, acting like we are best friends- but only able to talk about herself without any consideration as to the pain she has brought to my life.

    Do/did you find it hard to accept things about you that were like your mom? My mom is incredibly creative, an amazing seamstress, can be very loving and generous. I don’t want to hate those things about myself-because those are good things! I have forgiven her (I hope! it’s a process for sure!), so I’m not sure why it is hard for me to accept those things. I have been working through this with my counselor, but was wondering if you had more specific advice on this.

    It has been a devastating journey- I know God is not done yet, but it is hard to walk through- especially with a young child and new husband! You can email me personally, or just post to this site. Thank you for any advice you may have!

  2. I’m highly aware of my emotions and my husband is Alexithymic. After 16 years together I’m struggling with how to deal with this. I love him and don’t want to give up on him or us. Any advice would be appreciated. I’m thankful I found this page.

    • Hi Michelle, I’m very conscious of the delicate nature of any advice I give. I don’t know the ins and outs of your situation. That being said, this is what I can say speaking in generalities.

      1. Alexithymia is generally a symptom. It’s not a syndrome on its own. So, it’s good to ask what the context for your husband’s alexithymia is? That is the better place to start. Is he anxious? Is he on the autism spectrum? Are there past issues of trauma? The alexithymia is a manifestation of something else. You are interfacing with something else when you interface with alexithymia. What might that be?

      2. Hold onto yourself. Make sure to build out your own life and address any symptoms of AfDD. If you read the list of symptoms of Affective Deprivation Disorder and related, then address that. And read Dr. David Schnarch’s Passionate Marriage. It is by far one of the best books on personal development within the context of long-term relationships I’ve come across. You can be an individual while being in a less than perfect relationship. And developing your own sense of self and healing any hurts that you’ve sustained along the way is one of the best ways to stay the course if that’s what you want.

      These are the first two things I would say.

      All the best, MJ

      • I suspect my husband has alexythymia ..this answers so many questions. I am grateful to have found this blog I feel as though I have been given some hope to hold on to all this time I thought it was me. I was too aware of empath and an alexythemic what a combo.

        • In reply to Yvonne (above), I too, am married to a man with alexithymia and I happen to be highly empathic. After 9 years of marriage, I’m only now finally beginning to understand what has been going on, in my husband’s and my interactions. It helps to be able to define it. Anyway, I long for natural connection with a partner (I have this with friends, but of course it’s not the same). I don’t know whether I’ll stay or leave; I have a stepson who means the world to me (and I mean a lot to him, partly due to having stayed and not leaving him). My stepson (20 yrs old) and I would miss out on a lot together if I leave my husband, even if I frequently visit/talk with my stepson, etc.

          One of the most challenging aspects of living with my husband is that he lets me treat him any which way. So, if I’m irritable, for example, he avoids mentioning it and is seemingly unaware and unaffected. If I’m excited about something, he’ll sort of listen, but he has no interest in whatever might interest me. For instance, I’m a psychotherapist, and my husband cannot tolerate conversations that are psychologically oriented. I’m so lonely for a companion, a partner, who would give me feedback, help me be my best self (and would want the same from me), who would set boundaries, who would have an emotional response to me. I guess I’m feeling sorry for myself, right now.

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