About This Blog

This blog has been an evolution, and I would never have dreamed that my life would look as it does presently when I started writing it in 2009 . This About section has been edited many times.  Ironically, I am a rather private person when one considers the contents of my blog.  I have tried to leave out distinctly personal information in an attempt to shun the narcissism so inherent in our Facebook-Instagram culture.

Alas, when a reader messaged me asking for more, I felt the conflict rise.  “Who are you? I’d like to know more about the woman writing these posts!”

Oh no! My privacy nerve began to twitch.  My urge to run and hide surged.

giphy-3.gif

 

Here are a few things…

  • I’m Jewish (Origin Stories)
  • I grew up in East Texas.
  • I’m in medical school (Traditional Chinese Medicine and, yes, it is a 4-year program) in midlife which makes me the oldest person in my classes.  I get teased about this weekly by my fellow students.
  • I’m a gluten-free vegetarian which means that most people think I only eat this:
c3339ddeb9a591b09b818ecffa106f41.jpg

Herbed ice

  • I once fell through a manhole in Moscow.  The locals thought it was hilarious.
  • I miss the ocean.
  • I love traveling.
  • I wish I had more time to read for pleasure.
  • I hate doing laundry.  HATE.
  • I drink coffee like water.
  • I almost became a professional chef.
  • I don’t eat butter anymore which is good because I love it far too much.  If I could, I would do this:

Cleo-Coyle-Butter-on-a-Stick-type.jpg

  • I have four daughters.  You can read all about us here: Empowered Grace

All that being said, what is this blog about then? What’s my purpose?

I want anyone who reads what I’ve written and observed the evolution herein to see firsthand that:

  • It is possible to overcome that which should be an impossibility.
  • It is possible to create something solid and worthwhile from next to nothing.
  • It is possible to rise from the clichéd ashes transformed and better.

It is painful.  It might take you to the edge of yourself, but it is possible.  That is why I write.  That is why I am honest.  That is why I will write about my experiences with domestic violence, human trafficking, and childhood trauma and abuse.  These experiences kill people.  These experiences leave people in anguish and despair, but they don’t have to be permanent ontological states.  Yes, you will have to work harder than other people to attain some semblance of happiness and wholeness, and that’s the inherent injustice in being abused and hurt.  You are behind the eight ball in many ways, but that only gives you compassion because this state is inherent in the human condition.  Your familiarity with suffering and pain can either destroy you or give you an edge.  It is, in the end, your choice even if you didn’t choose to be given such a choice.  It is still your choice to make.

Nelson Mandela said, “Even if you have a terminal disease, you don’t have to sit down and mope. Enjoy life and challenge the illness that you have.”  He also said, “There is no easy walk to freedom anywhere, and many of us will have to pass through the valley of the shadow of death again and again before we reach the mountaintop of our desires.”  This is absolutely true, but I have learned that you get to where you want to go a lot faster when you go together.  When you share your journey with others.  I hope that I can add to your journey in some way.

In the end, I’ll always say the same thing:

Life is hard, and, to quote the Dread Pirate Roberts of William Goldman’s classic tale The Princess Bride, anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something.  It’s evidence that every one of us has a battle to fight even if we look fine on the outside.  We all carry injuries and scars.  We all have stories to tell.  Battles won.  Battles lost.  Not a one of us has it all together.  Just because you look well enough doesn’t mean that you are.  Never judge anyone particularly based upon their affect, appearance, or seemingly successful circumstances.

Healing, however, is possible.  A good life is available to you with one caveat.  You must  fight for it.  Nothing good comes to you without a fight.

So, be tenacious.  Fight for the life you want.  And never give up.

Shalom to you, MJ

 

27506ed9a0f195dc215172f7a77e01d3.jpg

Advertisements

40 thoughts on “About This Blog

    • Oh my…you found me over here, too! For what it’s worth, I’ve been on this road for a very long time, and the view is improving every day…mostly. It didn’t all happen at one time–thank God! But, I have found that it is something of a relief and almost a joy to process it through writing/blogging since I’m a writer anyway. There’s life after tragic events; the ride is rough and bumpy, but it’s worth taking. Thank you for being “brave” enough to comment. You are one of the few as you can see…

        • Yes…that’s me…I used to have my entire photo up, but…someone gave a phone call a while ago and said scary things to me. So, I thought better of it.

  1. I came across your site when searching for “sense of foreshortened future”. Thanks for the inspiring stories. I’m a victim of childhood trauma during a brutal civil war, then I experienced bullying from family members and classmates, and I was physically assaulted a few years ago. I always had a feeling that my life would be short, but I didn’t know why. Now I realize that it’s part of PTSD and I thank the Lord for giving me some light of what has been tormenting me for many years. I often read 1 Peter 5:10 to encourage myself. Thanks for writing this blog!

    • I want to give you a big hug. I don’t run into too many people who have suffered deeply, and I think it’s so important that we support each other. May the Shalom of God fill you, restore you, and bless you…always.

  2. I’ve been perusing your site, especially the stuff about borderline moms. I’ve also read some things regarding your story and how it’s affected your intimacy with your husband. My wife also experienced much childhood abuse and has also been diagnosed with complex PTSD.

    Do you have some articles about you and your husband have navigated the triggers of intimacy? I have found any other bloggers speaking openly about this like you, so would appreciate any perspectives you might have.

    Thanks.

    • I do actually, but it’s a separate blog altogether because I couldn’t really be as honest and ask nearly as many questions as I wanted. Email me if you would like at bangitinthere@gmail.com (civil rights reference in the email), and I can send you the URL.

  3. I just found your blog when searching about alexithymia and marriage. So validating to read; thank you! I look forward to looking around at what else you’ve written.

  4. It is a bizarre feeling yet a healing-positive in that I found your great site. Although, it definitely is an odd coincidence & rather confusing that I suddenly discover & see readings that seem like such an “in sync” match. First- how I arrived at your website: I just awoke today from another nightmare of hellish incidents inc. ones tied to my accidental & temporary partnering (via romantic courtship) with a high-profile charmer that secretively was pals (via his greed-addiction) with money-launderers that inc. sex-trade activity. So for recovery sake, I got online thinking I must calm down & go find clarity by reading about disassociation. And since that is prevalent in my family, I also decided that I better begin writing again in order to open up for my daughters (2 adults). They need to know where we “are at” re: my entire makeup inc. past abuse factors + family truths. Well, it is really bizarre that this decision I actually had two days ago while reviewing begin the Jewish elements I come out of that are hidden. Majority of my relatives will not acknowledge this, so for the last couple of days I spent time going through my complete heritage records … validated through my incredibly close & cherished aunt of Duluth (she’s recently deceased). …Anyhow, yes, I just got major chills when finding your pages of “wisdom” & was “blown away” when reading about you. Mostly, I am now inspired to move forward as I take steps to focus on further healing & revelations that will bring light & wholeness to my daughters & self. …I am so grateful for your wonderful new “clarity-writings” & for your brave telling of family truths. I just hope I can get strong enough to do such in as beautiful a way as you have. …And thank you for appearing at just the right time! Because I no longer feel so alone with the “dark experiences” or stressed by my relative’s weird hiding of “Jewish-genes”. …Thank you, thank you.

    • I’m so glad you found validation and affirmation for your journey here. That makes me very happy. You are not alone. So many of us are making our way just as you are which is such a comfort to me. Shalom to you in every way and welcome to the common experience. It’s a good place to find yourself, MJ

  5. I think I found my new favorite website! You and I have shared history. I am very sorry for your experiences in early life. I found you today, because even though I thought I had escaped and made a new foundation for healthy love in my adulthood, I am shocked to learn, I maybe have only progressed a half-step. I was looking for more depth than the uber alles ultimate reference book by Dr. Christine Lawson. Big hugs. xo

    • Hi Marcel, thank you for your thoughtful comments. I’m so pleased that you found validation here. That makes it all meaningful to me. Best, MJ

  6. I found your blog while searching for information on the all good child. I wanted to send you a virtual hug and thank you. I learned much about myself from your words. I have BPD all around me but only discovered the root of it all a few weeks ago. It is hard to think that much of the turmoil in my life was due to personality disorder. It is VERY comforting to know that with therapy, I can heal. I’m 35 years old and I’m finally awake. I look forward to reading more of your blog! Thank you for giving me hope.

    • Aaaaw! You are so welcome! I wish you all the best! Yes, you CAN heal! You CAN! Don’t be afraid to ask for resources. They exist. Hope is alive and well. Shalom to you in this new year! MJ

  7. I wanted to send you a big virtual hug. I found your blog while looking for info about the all good child. I recently finished the borderline mother and I was blown away. BPD is a huge part of my family. I know if I stay in therapy – I can heal. I look forward to reading more. Thank you for giving me hope. Best wishes!

  8. I came across your page looking up the sense of foreshortened future. I have had PTSD for about 20 years and I see a therapist and I now take Zoloft, but this is one thing that’s never gone away. Everyday I feel like I’m “surviving” and I always wonder if I’ll wake up the next day. My 41st birthday is next month and I always think, “well I can’t die yet because I have to do this, this, and this” but then I think people die everyday so maybe I won’t make it. I wanted to know more about “survivors” thing that you and your friend talked about because I teared up when I read it because it made so much sense. Do you have a Facebook page for your blog?

    • You know, I don’t have a FB page for my blog. That never occurred to me to do that. Should I do that? Feel free to comment here. I will get back to you, but, hmmmm, I’ll look into that! Other people who want to talk about it should be able to do so.

    • Hi Kristen, I actually created a FB page. You weren’t the only one who suggested it, and I was up early this morning–I thought, “What the hell..”. It’s brand new, and no one will be on it yet. But, it’s there! I’ll write a post to make a general announcement. What’s next? Twitter? I’m too young to feel so resistant. Baby steps…voilà! https://www.facebook.com/thrivingisthegoal/timeline

  9. Shalom, shalom MJ!
    With EDD, AfDD and an Aspie for a husband, I’m sure I’ll glean important insights from your site. I thank you so very much for what I’ve read thus far. I noticed the “Shalom” reference and decided to seek more information and was pleased to see you’re embracing your Jewish heritage. Cool! I embrace HaShem as well as The Way of Messiah (Echad!) as outlined in Torah and NT–its what keeps me somewhat sane as I keep healing and union as the goal. However, I suffer still and self-medicate for the emotional and illness burdens are heavy and don’t easily go away for it is still a daily experience for me. I do have to say that Aspie Husband has improved significantly since embracing Messiah, there are just things that are unchangeable here in the earthly realm.
    I look forward to reading more.
    Shalom!
    Holly

  10. I found your blog when I was searching for information about BPD mothers. You turned me on to “Understanding the Borderline Mother” and I’ve read a number of your posts – they’ve been so helpful! I’ve been in therapy for awhile, but switched to a new therapist in the last few months. I was recently diagnosed with complex PTSD, and coming to terms with my childhood has not been easy. I have felt “crazy” my entire life thanks to my mother, who I am beginning to understand more now that I have put some distance between us and have a therapist who can call me out when I try to evade questions. I just wanted to thank you for writing; it’s reaffirming to know that I am not the only one who feels this way.

    • I am so happy that you found validation here for yourself and your journey. That pleases me to no end. It is really part of why I write. So that I and others know that we are not alone. Shalom to you…MJ

  11. Thank you, it is helpful to know it is possible to make a life if I leave. After 18 years with my husband’s inconsistencies, I’m sorries & crazy making promises. Its time to give up. How do I forgive myself for putting up with it?
    Your writings are very helpful.
    Thank you

    • Oh, what you said here: “How do I forgive myself for putting up with it?” I have been there, and sometimes I look back and think fruitlessly, “How did I not get it after everything?” But, you can’t know then what you know now. Speaking for myself, I stayed because I believed him. I believed him when he apologized. I believed him when he talked about changing. I had hope, and I thought that the harder I tried, the more potential there could be for change. The important thing is that I know now what is true, and that’s what matters the most.

      Also, don’t listen to anyone who judges you for “not getting it sooner”. People who would say, “How did you not see it? WE saw it.” I would beg to differ. There is a very different perspective when you are IN something vs. outside of something. You CAN build a life after you leave. You really can. I am, and I was convinced that I never could. I have no family. Just a few friends and kids. I just knew that there was no way out. But, there was and is. And my life is 1000 times better today. Don’t give up. You are worth it.

      Shalom…MJ

  12. Greetings!
    Stumbled on your blog searching for information on how to be married to an Alex.
    I am:
    Jewish, liberal, mid-50s, mom to two teens; have lived in Texas now for three years; teach (A&M); had an emotionally abusive childhood; married to a computer guy who recently self-diagnosed as Alexithymic. (When we married, I thought I’d finally made a good, healthy choice.)
    Because of years of being the “crazy one,” and isolating as a result, and being in a totally new place, I’m not sure where to turn for support. Might you have any advice on surviving this situation, or being Jewish in Texas with teens, or being a dumpy middle-aged divorcee…?
    Anyway, I’m grateful for your blog. It’s kind of an information desert out there on this topic.
    Chag Sameach,
    N

    • Oh my goodness, well, firstly, I wish I could just take you out for coffee.

      I grew up in Texas. Houston area. And then I moved to New Jersey. I can’t imagine what a shocker it must be for you to be teaching in College Station. Texas really is a “whole other country”. I left as soon as I graduated from high school, and I never looked back. Coach Adler, the tennis coach, was the only Jew in my high school, and *he* was from New Jersey!

      It really is an information desert out there, isn’t it? No one wants to talk about what it’s like behind closed doors–being married to the equivalent of a Vulcan. How that looks in real time. What it *feels* like. And, what you have to do in terms of your own emotional repertoire to keep some kind of connection alive. What I can tell you is that you are not crazy. You might feel alone or misunderstood (and you might be both in your primary relationships), but you are not in a larger community of common experience. And, that’s a strange dialectic. i struggle with that one.

      A dumpy divorcee? Mmmm….now I really DO want to take you out for coffee. Raising teens? I’ve got two left, and my 16 year-old is busting my *ss. Killing me! OMG…maybe drinks are better?

      Being Jewish in Texas. Are there any Jews anywhere at all? I haven’t been in TX in so long. Is it worse? In Trump’s America? A Reform synagogue anywhere? (I’m sure you have already done that…Just thought I’d ask)

      Please don’t hesitate to email my blog email: jamaisvue72atgmaildotcom. I can relate to being in that purgatory, for lack of a better word, wherein you may not feel like you belong where you are, but you have a drive to find that space–a healing space, a belonging space, and a space of significance. Where you are recognized.

      L’shanah tovah….MJ

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s