Shoot Christians Say

.A friend of mine sent this video to me yesterday instructing me to “watch it and learn”.  It was in response to a story my 12 year-old daughter decided to trot out during the middle of Thanksgiving dinner when three guests were seated at our table–The Story of The One Time Mom Lost Her Temper.

“Oh, you should have heard our mom when she found out that the cats were using the hall closet as a litter box! She got steaming mad.  She even used the F-word! She told us to stop lyin’ around on our….she used the A-word there, and then she said ‘You girls are supposed to change the cat litter!’ Get down there and change the effin’ cat litter…except she used the F-word.  Yep.  My mom swore at us.”

Then my 9 year-old makes her own contribution.

“That’s right, Mom.  I never knew what the F-word was until you said it.” (A complete fabrication! She used to ride the school bus. Enough said.)

I just sat at the table.  Completely dumbfounded.  One friend was stifling his laughs while another tried to reason with the girls as to why their mother might use “colorful” language.  I looked at my friend’s husband and said, “I have never in my life sworn at my children EXCEPT this one time, and they decide to tell THIS story? Now?” He replied with amused understanding, “At Thanksgiving dinner.”

I tried to defend myself by saying that the girls didn’t change the cat litter for three weeks so the cats chose the hall closet as their new venue for relief.  In so doing, we lost four pairs of winter boots, the hardwood floors in the closet are damaged, and the closet smells like a urinal.  Not to mention cleaning out that closet was one of the more disgusting chores I’ve had to do in a very long time.

So, the receipt of this video was all very tongue-in-cheek, and I confess that I do, on occasion, forget to watch the videos he sends.  I was, however, too interested to pass this one up.  “Shoot Christians Say”.  Why, do-diddle-dee-dee, I simply had to check it out, and, by golly, was I more than surprised.  Son of a bee sting, are these two fellas gifted at capturing the essence of evangelical church culture.  I laughed out loud throughout most of the video because they have delineated the aspects of church culture that, well…How do I put it? Give me the creeps.  The strange, abbreviated way of talking to each other, the constant use of the word “fellowship” (yep, it’s true, y’all), referring to people who do not adhere to Christianity as a faith practice as ‘seekers’ and environments that might be tolerable to them as ‘seeker-friendly’, the “group”  and conference culture, the Gnostic practice of labeling all things that don’t pertain to their understanding of Christianity as “secular”, and that push to find an accountability partner as if we have all suddenly stepped into a 12 Step Group.

I wish I could tell you that this parody was altogether false, but I spent years in churches where the congregants talked and interacted in the exact manner that these two guys portray.  It smacks of something completely phony, treacly, and somehow off.  Some people may find this video offensive, and I challenge you to ask yourself why. If it is offensive to you, as a Christian,  then is it offensive because they are wrong? Or, is it offensive because they are right?

“Shoot Christians Say” **

**I’m not able to embed the video so just click on the link.