A new grocery store opened just a few miles from my house, and, let me tell you, it feels like God designed this store just for me. It has a huge produce section. HUGE. I felt rather like this when I stood in the middle of it resisting the urge to extend my arms and twirl around.
The choice of non-dairy milks was vast and varied. The plant-based protein selection was excellent. There were even vats of locally produced honey on tap to fill my very own honey bear! Whut?!
And then there was the selection of gluten-free products. For the celiac vegetarian, this grocery store is the Valhalla of food acquirement. I was home. But, that’s not what caused me to squeal like a little girl with sand in her underwear. It was the gluten-free holiday cookies. Little Christmas trees with green frosting and honest-to-goodness gingerbread cookies! Soft and chewy gingerbread cookies! I’m a sucker for holiday cookies. I love them, but no one seems to make them for celiacs–until now.
My daughter and I saw them in the bakery section and stopped. We stared. We stared at each other. We did a double-take. Were they real? Did they really say ‘gluten-free’? Truly? We bought them. Okaaaay. We bought a few. We finished shopping and ran over to Starbucks which was ever so conveniently across the street. We ordered almond milk lattes and shamelessly tore into them like ravenous Kindergartners.
What happens to two people who rarely eat sugary desserts when they decide to consume far too much processed sugar in under five seconds?
It feels glorious. Oh, it tastes like the most wonderful, marvelous, delightful thing you’ve ever come upon. We were like Augustus Gloop swimming in Willie Wonka’s chocolate river! The butter spread. The sugar melted. The flavor rose. It’s times like that when I usually wonder why I broke up with sugar. What’s the harm? Thpppppt…how could I disdain such a lovely thing when it makes me feel like flying?
“I’m queen of the world!“
And then this happens…
Suddenly, you don’t feel quite so awesome anymore. You feel strangely awful. And, it doesn’t happen all at once. First, you just feel mildly ill. Then, it becomes a bit…meaner.
Out of the blue you’re lying on the floor in bad make-up, disheveled, potentially topless, wondering where the day went. Or something like that.
That is exactly why I stopped eating sugar. I won’t lie though. The ride down sure tastes good. Beware though. They look sweet, but they’re evil…