To begin to get a solid grasp of where I’m headed in terms of changing your narrative and healing yourself in experiential ways so that you can change your trajectory in tangible ways, I highly recommend that you watch this documentary on the brain–“Automatic Brain: The Magic of the Unconscious Mind”. It’s a little under an hour long. It’s fascinating, and it will give you insight into how and why you function as you do on a daily basis.
You can also find it on Amazon Prime.
If you want to take it one step further, then watch this as well–“The Brain that Changes Itself” (also found on Amazon Prime in addition to YouTube).