I start EMDR today. Oddly enough, I’ve had very detailed nightmares for three nights. Nightmares in Technicolor.
I am not one to have nightmares. I have elaborate dreams from time to time, but this is different. These dreams are like my worst fears come to life, and I’m stuck in them. Or, it’s past trauma being acted out against me by the people in my life now whom I trust. It’s very weird, and I don’t like it.
Were I to step back and take a deeper look, I would say that my brain is priming the pump. It’s preparing to do the work of opening up the doors into the memories of past trauma. It’s beginning to play out the movies of what is actually stored in the unprocessed or maladaptively processed memory bank so that the actual process of EMDR goes well.
I gotta be honest here. This is extremely unpleasant. I was not myself yesterday. I was crying on and off all day. I know what I’m in for, but it’s time to do the shit work so that this shit can end. For good.
So, should you start therapy and begin to do trauma work, take heart. You might encounter something like this. I think that our brains like to help us out, but it sure doesn’t feel like a helping hand. It feels like the trauma merry-go-round. It’s not. It’s momentum gathering.
I’m off for the day. Time to go slay some dragons…
Thank you for your honesty, I hope you experience an amount of healing that exceeds the pain you have to face. You are very brave.
Thank you, it all went really well.
YAY, good to hear!
Thanks for your posts. I just started EMDR and trauma work myself, and every time I see a post, it’s like there’s a fellow soldier marching through this with me. Carry on, Brave Soul.
Aaaw yes, well, happy to walk with you. Thanks for your comment.
I’m also doing a course of EMDR right now; and I too find that often in-between sessions my brain is bringing up things, showing me what needs to be processed next. It’s very intense work, but the results have been amazing. I hope you make great progress!
Hey!!! That’s great!!! I’m so glad that you’re doing this. It’s time, isn’t it?
Your courage to share is admirable. I’ve just begun EMDR and I’m blogging my way through the journey. I hope you’ll visit my Road of Hope and travel with me: https://emdrjourney.wordpress.com/. Blessings, healing, and peace. – Renee
I hope it goes well for you and that you find all the healing you hope for and then some. Best, MJ