Tag: abusive behavior in relationships

The Mental Edge

One of my dear friends signed up my oldest daughter and me for a self-defense class last night.  It was not your typical self-defense class.  This class was taught at a center owned and run by a former Navy SEAL.  One of the core…

The Male Borderline Waif

I’ve written a lot on borderline personality disorder (BPD) on this blog largely because my mother has the disorder.  It is not something I wish to vilify, and I don’t want to verbally mistreat people who have been diagnosed with it either.  Of all…

To Blame or Not To Blame

Truth is not easy.  Telling it, avoiding it, denying it, seeing it.  Sometimes it isn’t clear.  The truth, from my perspective, might look wildly different from someone else’s perspective.  Perspectives.  I do understand this. Perspective-taking is the bedrock of empathy.  Before you can enter…

Healthy Assertiveness

Eight years ago after I had completed my epic three-year life and personality overhaul aka three years of psychotherapy, my therapist, a certified life coach in addition to being a therapist, changed his approach.  We left the therapeutic approach behind and entered into coaching, a…

Being Jack Donaghy

I wondered what writing this post might feel like.  I wondered if I would ever arrive at this point.  Would I ever find my courage? Would the door ever open up for me? Was it possible? Would I ever feel permitted? I sat in…

Doing The Best We Can?

There is a DBT concept or belief that says: Everyone is doing the best they can in the moment.  I remember taking the DBT course and hearing this core belief for the first time.  I bristled.  I raised my hand.  I asked for one…

Therapy Homework: Disgust and Vulnerability

Therapy Tuesday has come and gone.  It was my longest session yet.  Almost a full two hours.  I don’t know why he lets them go on for so long.  I drank so much water during the session that thoughts of Niagara Falls started rushing…

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

This is the title of a book I just started reading by Lundy Bancroft, a well-known therapist who specializes in working with women in domestic violence and/or abusive relationships. The title didn’t thrill me.  It scared me, but the premise intrigued me.  How do…

Categorizing Behaviors

I had my third therapy session yesterday.  My therapist decided to make a client-centered approach part of my treatment plan.  I bristled at that.  I’ve never progressed in a client-centered therapeutic environment.  What? Just sit there and talk about what’s bothering me? I could…

The Four Elements of Asshole Behavior

I saw my therapist for the second time yesterday, and we went over the four basic concepts that explain a person’s behavior: skills deficit emotions thoughts and beliefs contingency In the context of my marriage, I am attempting to lay down a history which is,…