Category: relationships

Living with Intention

I receive many emails asking how to fix a loved one.  It might be a mother with a personality disorder or a partner or family member with alexithymia.  In both cases, I have been that self-same person on the search for solutions.  I have…

Lunch with My Mother

Well, I did it.  I saw my mother and stepfather.  I wasn’t nervous at all until about an hour before I had to leave, and then it hit me.  I was suddenly scared that she was going to be unkind to me.  I was…

The Prison of Maladaptive Behaviors

I am an independent person by nature.  I was an only child until my mother remarried when I was 11 years-old suddenly making me the youngest of three girls.  My developing personality came to a grinding halt.  I didn’t know my place in my…

Rebooting for the New Year

One of the broader topics on this blog is mental health and how mental health is defined and experienced in different contexts.  The DSM-V has divided and sub-divided the human experience into so many diagnoses that I imagine that every human could find an…

The Betrayal of Disengagement: Reloaded

I wrote this post for another blog a little over a year ago, but I want to post it here, too, because I continue to get comments on this post–Affective Deprivation Disorder and Alexithymia in Marriage.  Out of hundreds of posts, that post is…

Having a Good Time in Hell

I had final exams this week.  With the same teacher.  How I ended up taking three classes with this man I can’t quite figure out.  Serendipity, I guess.  He was a doctor with a reputation, too.  Other students would hear his name and cringe–“Oh,…

The Ego and You

Relationships can be very rewarding, but, truthfully, they can be difficult.  This is true for everyone regardless of any residual issues you might face in terms of family of origin, trauma, and relationship history.  This makes personal development in terms of interpersonal effectiveness, perspective-taking,…

Another Saturday Night

I was prepared to publish a completely different post, and perhaps I will.  But, as I was cleaning my kitchen, another thought came to mind. Why do so many people with deep trauma never reveal it even if much of it is adaptively processed?…

Alexithymia and Attachment Style

A reader emailed me this morning with some very good information she’d found.  I’m going to share it (with her permission).  Two years ago, I wrote a post on alexithymia and marriage (Affective Deprivation Disorder and Alexithymia in Marriage), and I never thought about…

The Borderline Blame Storm

I was asked recently to write more about being in relationship with someone who expresses as having a personality disorder. Firstly, I want to be careful because I don’t want to vilify people who carry this diagnosis.  There is a lot of inflammatory rhetoric…

Can You Nullify A Person?

My therapist is wise.  I appreciate him.  Sometimes we chip away at our therapeutic process for months, even years, and we get good results although we’d like to move faster.  And, then, our therapist says one thing that busts everything wide open.  It isn’t…

The Male Borderline Waif

I’ve written a lot on borderline personality disorder (BPD) on this blog largely because my mother has the disorder.  It is not something I wish to vilify, and I don’t want to verbally mistreat people who have been diagnosed with it either.  Of all…