Category: domestic violence

Nine Things I’ve Learned

I used to write a lot about trauma and the nature of it largely because I was in the middle of dealing with it.  For me, I would try to get outside of my own traumas and inspect them as if I were looking…

Easing into The Season

For my non-American readers, Thursday was Thanksgiving here in the States.  It is a big deal.  It marks the beginning of The Holidays–a season of high stress, joy, high consumerism on display, dread, meaningful religious observations, turmoil, GERD, Mariah Carey on loop, and so…

The Essence of Healing

I wanted to write something germane to your life and process.  Something that might speak to you.  To anyone.  To everyone.  Perhaps this might. I go to therapy every Tuesday.  I like to think that I’m ‘getting it done’ whatever ‘it’ is, but, as…

Deep Programming and Core Beliefs

I have discussed core beliefs on this blog (Core Beliefs and Double Distortions, Gridlock and Core Beliefs, Core Beliefs) .  After my “career” in therapy, I thought I’d covered all the ground until I landed on core beliefs.  I learned that after putting in…

The Disgust Cycle in Healing

I want to address something that inevitably comes up during the healing process after a break-up or divorce particularly if your ex-partner was not a very nice person.  What do I mean by ‘not nice’? Well, my marriage ended for many little reasons much…

Embrace the Process of Healing

“If I am not for myself, who is for me? And when I am for myself, what am I? And if not now, when?”— Hillel the Elder I’m 44 years-old, and I’ve been on the “therapy circuit” since I was 16.  As soon as…

Saying No is Good

Saying ‘no’ is good.  I seem to rarely do it, but I’ve heard other people tell me this.  I am kidding.  Sort of. I really find out just how good saying ‘no’ is particularly when I said ‘yes’ but really wanted to say ‘no’.  Do you know…

Entitlement and Domestic Abuse

I am going to record this for a very specific reason. Sometimes people give something away in the moment, and that’s the moment that things crystalize.  That’s the insight that you needed to confirm your hypothesis.  That’s when you know that you were right….

First Fruits

I have written at length about the dynamics within my marriage that contributed to its dissolution.  No one gets married to get divorced.  This is, however, the right thing.  I was told three years ago by a therapist that our situation was not sustainable,…

It’s Getting Hot in Here

I wish I could bring something therapeutically beneficial to the table this morning.  What I can do is let you take a peek inside the therapeutic process of a “domestic abuse victim”.  That’s what my therapist called me yesterday.  Well, that’s very real, isn’t…

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

This is the title of a book I just started reading by Lundy Bancroft, a well-known therapist who specializes in working with women in domestic violence and/or abusive relationships. The title didn’t thrill me.  It scared me, but the premise intrigued me.  How do…

Third-Party Credibility

Tuesday is therapy day for me.  I’m supposed to have a fifty minute session.  I had a two-hour session.  In fact, my prior sessions were about ninety minutes each.  My therapist just lets them go on and on.  He then looks at the clock…